Ho humbug?

I’m feeling nostalgic.

I look at these pics of me in school and me now. It’s barely been what 2 years, but the change.. I look so different. I used to hate school because I never really liked to study and I felt very few people understood me, but now when I look back. I know I had a great time at Carmel. I mean it, I would have never learnt half the lessons I learnt IF it wasn’t for my school life.

And today? I’m so grateful. For all the people in my life. For the friends I had, have and even the random strangers who would open the door or wave hello. I like who I am. I know I have to improve in some aspects like organization and priorities but I’m happy.

This week, I almost forgot myself. But now I just want to say, that Nobody will get me down. Only I have that right. It’s been rough. Oflate I have noticed I don’t understand jokes anymore. I’m more reserved and I never used to listen to gossip but I could tolerate it, however now I can’t do that either. I don’t know why it’s like that. Either people crack really different jokes from what I’m used to, or maybe I might just have something. I feel very misunderstood here. I felt like this in school but I had friends to help me get through that, or if anything, My sister who was always honest with me.

Here people always hide behind the truth. They use words to mask what they feel and that’s one thing I don’t get. For what? Where does it get you?

The other: the innecessant need to be sarcastic or rude. Does that help anyone? Why make a joke at someone else’s expense? And that too.. all the time?

The next time you decide to be sarcastic, Look at the person after you’ve made your statement. They may  smile, but they’re not laughing. It’s not funny. It’s one of the most cruelest ways of saying “You know what, FUCK you!” Plus they may not be laughing but that doesn’t mean they didn’t understand what you’re getting at. They may not have understood the concept of the joke but it does not mean they’re not offended.

Sigh.

I miss cheery hellos and warm goodbyes. Kisses on the cheek and most importantly, friendship. I miss singing so bad, people wanna close their ears, and talking about thoughts, or things you’ve read. Late night phone calls talking about random things or dwelling on the lyrics of a song. The strum of Neita’s guitar even though it annoyed me just before I fell asleep, or the boom and the bang’s of Neil’s video games. Mama’s footsteps just before she opened the house door, or Dada getting up to make tea in the morning and the sound of him polishing his shoes. Smiley’s and Mwaaahs after every text and the “See you tomorrow!”

It helps to write about it. Because suddenly you hear all of it in your head, and slivers of those memories pass before your eyes as you type, and then you feel that quiet smile creeping up inevitably on your face.

Yes, I’m happy now. =)

Love to everyone who wants It, even to the random stranger who reads this blog.

Off to watch some cartoons on youtube. I need to laugh more today. J