14th July 2011
12:30 AM
Happy Birthday to ME!
Omg, you should see me right now. I’m so HAPPY! God, I feel wonderful! I’m like brimming with happiness. I guess it’s a lot of things.
I did a lot this year and I stayed true to what I wrote last year. Wow, this year.. 2010 – 2011. So much to say about it. I really lived this year. Sometimes I wonder what happened during first year. I guess I was depressed then. I didn’t want to accept it, but I was. There’s no other reason, for the things I did. I ate like a pig, acted foolish to some extent, and never tried or gave it my all. In second year, I tried as much as I could, and that in that is worth saying something. Man, It’s funny, but I’m proud of myself!
It’s been a really hard year, and I’m glad that I got through it. I thought I’d write because I always write on my birthday, and well let’s see, I want to kinda bottle some of the happiness I’m feeling for a rainy day to remind myself, that there are better days when the going gets tough!
What did I do this year?
- I passed the one thing that really got me down on my last birthday with flying colors. My Psych exam
- I wanted to win medals this year, and I did! I got quite a few in swimming and running, It feels good, makes me feel victorious! I ended up being All Round champion for Women in my year!
- I did two studies, and one got published in a journal, and the other got selected for ISHACON in Calcutta
- I became Co-editor after turning down the post of Chief Editor – It’s like the same difference!
- I tried my best to do well in my sessional exams even though I was not upto it, and never studied that hard like I planned to, and ended up passing!
- I rocked Christmas, and did many things like taking long walks on the beach, hanging out with Neil, daring to be more confident!
- Went to Calcutta! It was gorgeous! I travelled a lot and it felt brilliant all the while!
- I worked hard at the gym, and although I kinda put on some weight during the exam months, It still felt nice to actually work out, and experience the runner’s high!
- I made peace with an old friend after a year long argument
- I really let go of someone else and the pain that came along with the whole drama
- I along with my fellow members made what I THINK was one of the best magazines the whole of Manipal as ever seen. It was earnest hardwork, and I made two new friends who were honest, and it was wonderful to experience the thrill of making a magazine with them.
- I found that though I may feel alone, I’m NEVER ALONE. There are people, almost all around the world, that love me for me, or do care for me to some level, and that makes all the difference
- I learnt how to really stand up for myself. It’s so easy to compromise yourself and your thoughts just for the sake of friends or not being alone, but it’s never fair when all they do is put you down. Saying no and learning how to had always been a big battle, and this year, that battle was truly won.
- Third place for English Poetry at Utsav 2011! Now this was just amazing, because I never in my wildest dreams thought I would win that, I just put my soul in the poems I wrote and it was a gamble making it funny, but wow, winning third place was an unrecognized dream come true. Truly amazing!
- I sang, and had solos in two song performances. Even though I’m a bathroom singer, and always will be, to sing infront of a crowd, and to get over that fear of being an absolute reject – no words for it. So now even If I suck, I won’t give a shit, because hey I’m not perfect, and it’s okay to just let go of all your insecurities and be.
- I learned how to really travel using the bus, and once again I’m never alone, weekends spent at Mangalore with fantastic old school mates were wonderful!
- I experienced the loss of someone really dear to me. He was a father figure and I lost him to cancer and very unexpectedly, and I still pray for his daughter, and though I miss him a lot, I know he is in a place where the grass is greener, and happy and serene. It pains me to know that I will never have that special hug we used to have whenever we saw each other or that one dance where we would dance together at family parties. I miss you Uncle.
- I also experienced the loss of a friend. We were not that close, but we had special moments in school, and a few in Manipal. He died tragically in an accident the same day my friend and I were talking about him on the plane ride home. I cried then too, because it was the first time I really lost someone I knew and the feeling is heart wrenching. I miss you friend.
- I got closer to God. I know there are many out there, who aren’t religious, but along with tragedies, there are miracles, and I know that there is a higher power out there watching out for us, and blessing everyone, and answering their prayers even though they may not recognize their answers. I know that without the Good Lord’s grace, I wouldn’t be this lucky!
- I learned the value of hard work, and sweat. I always respected my parents, but this year has shown me that there is so much more that we don’t understand, no matter how smart we think we are, lessons learnt in time, through perseverance, hard work, prayer and trust. I will always be grateful to my parents, they’ve raised me to be free – thinking, independent, strong willed, and the lessons they’ve taught me. I can never thank them enough; I just hope I will be able to take care of them just as well as they take care of me.
- First class in my University exams. I laughed, shivered and cried all at the same time when I heard this. And the happiness and gratitude. It was heaven. I’d like to say that this truly reinforced and I kind of won another personal battle here. I overcame that fear of failing, and now I’m really not afraid of failure, as my situation is clearly an example of the saying “ Failure is a stepping stone to success!”
- I also made a friend, my own neighbor. After first year, I lost hope in ever finding someone I could trust in Manipal, and who would have thought, inviting someone over for a cup of coffee could be life changing. My friend, well she has been amazing. I don’t think she knows how much she has really done for me just by being there, and she hates the sentimental stuff, but I’m someone who is always grateful, and I’m grateful and happy that I have her.
- I did to date one of the most craziest things ever, which goes along actually going up to a random guy I was crushing on, and who had no idea that I existed, well who I really was rather, and saying hi. Freaking exhilarating that was! ^_^
Well I can’t think of anything more. I dunno what else to think of or write of, this is all I can come up with for now. I guess my theme for 19 really did work. I wanted to be hard working and sophisticated, and I think I got that down pat. ;)
Turning 20 gracefully,
Nikita Vincent Lewis
PS: I just have to say this, today I get my last painful injection, so Goodbye Neurobion and the 20 ml something of Neurobion AND I get to watch Harry Potter 7 Part 2, a good day before anyone else.. in wait for it.. IMAX. What more can I ask for.. awesome birthday! WOOOOO!! <3