It's my birthday, ya'll!

14^th July 2011

12:30 AM

Happy Birthday to ME!

Omg, you should see me right now. I’m so HAPPY! God, I feel wonderful! I’m like brimming with happiness. I guess it’s a lot of things.

I did a lot this year and I stayed true to what I wrote last year. Wow, this year.. 2010 – 2011. So much to say about it. I really lived this year. Sometimes I wonder what happened during first year. I  guess I was depressed then. I didn’t want to accept it, but I was. There’s no other reason, for the things I did. I ate like a pig, acted foolish to some extent, and never tried or gave it my all. In second year, I tried as much as I could, and that in that is worth saying something. Man, It’s funny, but I’m proud of myself!

It’s been a really hard year, and I’m glad that I got through it. I thought I’d write because I always write on my birthday, and well let’s see,  I want to kinda bottle some of the happiness I’m feeling for a rainy day to remind myself, that there are better days when the going gets tough!

What did I do this year?

-          I passed the one thing that really got me down on my last birthday with flying colors. My Psych exam

-          I wanted to win medals this year, and I did! I got quite a few in swimming and running, It feels good, makes me feel victorious! I ended up being All Round champion for Women in my year!

-          I did two studies, and one got published in a journal, and the other got selected for ISHACON in Calcutta

-          I became Co-editor after turning down the post of Chief Editor – It’s like the same difference!

-          I tried my best to do well in my sessional exams even though I was not upto it, and never studied that hard like I planned to, and ended up passing!

-          I rocked Christmas, and did many things like taking long walks on the beach, hanging out with Neil, daring to be more confident!

-          Went to Calcutta! It was gorgeous! I travelled a lot and it felt brilliant all the while!

-          I worked hard at the gym, and although I kinda put on some weight during the exam months, It still felt nice to actually work out, and experience the runner’s high!

-          I made peace with an old friend after a year long argument

-          I really let go of someone else and the pain that came along with the whole drama

-          I along with my fellow members made what I THINK was one of the best magazines the whole of Manipal as ever seen. It was earnest hardwork, and I made two new friends who were honest, and it was wonderful to experience the thrill of making a magazine with them.

-          I found that though I may feel alone, I’m NEVER ALONE. There are people, almost all around the world, that love me for me, or do care for me to some level, and that makes all the difference

-          I learnt how to really stand up for myself. It’s so easy to compromise yourself and your thoughts just for the sake of friends or not being alone, but it’s never fair when all they do is put you down. Saying no and learning how to had always been a big battle, and this year, that battle was truly won.

-          Third place for English Poetry at Utsav 2011! Now this was just amazing, because I never in my wildest dreams thought I would win that, I just put my soul in the poems I wrote and it was a gamble making it funny, but wow, winning third place was an unrecognized dream come true. Truly amazing!

-          I sang, and had solos in two song performances. Even though I’m a bathroom singer, and always will be, to sing infront of a crowd, and to get over that fear of being an absolute reject – no words for it. So now even If I suck, I won’t give a shit, because hey I’m not perfect, and it’s okay to just let go of all your insecurities and be.

-          I learned how to really travel using the bus, and once again I’m never alone, weekends  spent at Mangalore with fantastic old school mates were wonderful!

-          I experienced the loss of someone really dear to me. He was a father figure and I lost him to cancer and very unexpectedly, and I still pray for his daughter, and though I miss him a lot, I know he is in a place where the grass is greener, and happy and serene. It pains me to know that I will never have that special hug we used to have whenever we saw each other or that one dance where we would dance together at family parties. I miss you Uncle.

-          I also experienced the loss of a friend. We were not that close, but we had special moments in school, and a few in Manipal. He died tragically in an accident the same day my friend and I were talking about him on the plane ride home. I cried then too, because it was the first time I really lost someone I knew and the feeling is heart wrenching.  I miss you friend.

-          I got closer to God. I know there are many out there, who aren’t religious, but along with tragedies, there are miracles, and I know that there is a higher power out there watching out for us, and blessing everyone, and answering their prayers even though they may not recognize their answers. I know that without the Good Lord’s grace, I wouldn’t be this lucky!

-          I learned the value of hard work, and sweat. I always respected my parents, but this year has shown me that there is so much more that we don’t understand, no matter how smart we think we are, lessons learnt in time, through perseverance, hard work, prayer and trust. I will always be grateful to my parents, they’ve raised me to be free – thinking, independent, strong willed, and the lessons they’ve taught me. I can never thank them enough; I just hope I will be able to take care of them just as well as they take care of me.

-          First class in my University exams. I laughed, shivered and cried all at the same time when I heard this. And the happiness and gratitude. It was heaven.  I’d like to say that this truly reinforced and I kind of won another personal battle here. I overcame that fear of failing, and now I’m really not afraid of failure, as my situation is clearly an example of the saying “ Failure is a stepping stone to success!”

-          I also made a friend, my own neighbor. After first year, I lost hope in ever finding someone I could trust in Manipal, and who would have thought, inviting someone over for a cup of coffee could be life changing.  My friend, well she has been amazing. I don’t think she knows how much she has really done for me just by being there, and she hates the sentimental stuff, but I’m someone who is always grateful, and I’m grateful and happy that I have her.

-          I did to date one of the most craziest things ever, which goes along actually going up to a random guy I was crushing on, and who had no idea that I existed, well who I really was rather, and saying hi. Freaking exhilarating that was! ^_^

Well I can’t think of anything more. I dunno what else to think of or write of, this is all I can come up with for now. I guess my theme for 19 really did work. I wanted to be hard working and sophisticated, and I think I got that down pat. ;)

Turning 20 gracefully,

Nikita Vincent Lewis

PS: I just have to say this, today I get my last painful injection, so Goodbye Neurobion and the 20 ml something of Neurobion AND I get to watch Harry Potter 7 Part 2, a good day before anyone else.. in wait for it.. IMAX. What more can I ask for.. awesome birthday! WOOOOO!! <3

Surprises!

I woke up on the 1st of May to two wonderful surprises. One being the start of the monsoon.Two, I was surprised that I was actually awake by 6:30 and I saved the beat surprise for the last.. My dad being in Manipal and staying at the lovely (and only) hotel Valley View! I wake up to find a text from my sister's number and all it said was "Breakfast buffet at valley view on me. Goodmorning!".

My parents are the sweetest. They sent me a cargo filled with goodies like chocolates and my favourite cereal so that I could feel more homely while prepping for my unis which begin tomorrow. Eeyipes!

Sorry got to cut this short. I'll give.more details later.. But all i have to say is " Thank you to the big G up there for giving me wonderful parents and I feel the love! "

Ho humbug?

I’m feeling nostalgic.

I look at these pics of me in school and me now. It’s barely been what 2 years, but the change.. I look so different. I used to hate school because I never really liked to study and I felt very few people understood me, but now when I look back. I know I had a great time at Carmel. I mean it, I would have never learnt half the lessons I learnt IF it wasn’t for my school life.

And today? I’m so grateful. For all the people in my life. For the friends I had, have and even the random strangers who would open the door or wave hello. I like who I am. I know I have to improve in some aspects like organization and priorities but I’m happy.

This week, I almost forgot myself. But now I just want to say, that Nobody will get me down. Only I have that right. It’s been rough. Oflate I have noticed I don’t understand jokes anymore. I’m more reserved and I never used to listen to gossip but I could tolerate it, however now I can’t do that either. I don’t know why it’s like that. Either people crack really different jokes from what I’m used to, or maybe I might just have something. I feel very misunderstood here. I felt like this in school but I had friends to help me get through that, or if anything, My sister who was always honest with me.

Here people always hide behind the truth. They use words to mask what they feel and that’s one thing I don’t get. For what? Where does it get you?

The other: the innecessant need to be sarcastic or rude. Does that help anyone? Why make a joke at someone else’s expense? And that too.. all the time?

The next time you decide to be sarcastic, Look at the person after you’ve made your statement. They may  smile, but they’re not laughing. It’s not funny. It’s one of the most cruelest ways of saying “You know what, FUCK you!” Plus they may not be laughing but that doesn’t mean they didn’t understand what you’re getting at. They may not have understood the concept of the joke but it does not mean they’re not offended.

Sigh.

I miss cheery hellos and warm goodbyes. Kisses on the cheek and most importantly, friendship. I miss singing so bad, people wanna close their ears, and talking about thoughts, or things you’ve read. Late night phone calls talking about random things or dwelling on the lyrics of a song. The strum of Neita’s guitar even though it annoyed me just before I fell asleep, or the boom and the bang’s of Neil’s video games. Mama’s footsteps just before she opened the house door, or Dada getting up to make tea in the morning and the sound of him polishing his shoes. Smiley’s and Mwaaahs after every text and the “See you tomorrow!”

It helps to write about it. Because suddenly you hear all of it in your head, and slivers of those memories pass before your eyes as you type, and then you feel that quiet smile creeping up inevitably on your face.

Yes, I’m happy now. =)

Love to everyone who wants It, even to the random stranger who reads this blog.

Off to watch some cartoons on youtube. I need to laugh more today. J

Mystery solved: It's GASTROENTERITIS Y'all! *eugh*

Yep, what was the monster underneath the bed of sharp awful stomach aches?
Gastroenteritis

Now for those who don't really know what this is, Here's a dictionary meaning:


Gastroenteritis (also known as gastric flu, stomach flu, and stomach virus, although unrelated to influenza) is marked by severe inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract involving both the stomach and small intestine resulting in acute diarrhea and vomiting. It can be transferred by contact with contaminated food and water. The inflammation is caused most often by an infection from certain viruses or less often by bacteria, their toxins (e.g. SEB), parasites, or an adverse reaction to something in the diet or medication.

Now I didn't really have the diarrhea but the stomach pain was and IS just awful. Imagine someone taking a knife and not only plunging you but decided to twist and turn it, till you stay stop. Then it goes for a little while only to stab you yet again. And this is every freaking time you eat. PAINFUL. 

And then comes the green poop. Well it was dark green but still not very nice to note or see. ( Sorry If I disgusted my fellow bloggers, but yeah)

I hope I get better soon. Been put on a diet of curds and veggies with a couple of meds. Sigh. 

On the plus side, the doctor was really cool. He read my name out loud and spoke to me in English first and later in Konkani, and was all so you speak? and I'm all like yeah totally but just a little, and then we were like speaking in a little bit of Konkani. :D

My exam was okay, not all that. I'll pass, though I wish I could have not had this stupid stomach flu thing and studied harder to get more than just a pass. 

Oh and to top it off, Out of everyone's paper in class, MY COP paper just mine got sent to the department of ENT because my stupid professor decided to tie it up, because he thought I forgot. Okay maybe he was trying to do me a favour, but what sucks more, is friends who SAW the act and didn't say anything. Now that I find just plain rude. Like seriously? Be mad at me, or whatever it is, but not telling a lecturer that he's tied up the wrong papers is just plain rude. 

And you know what sucks more. That when today, said people were in a seperate class, and there was a correction in today's paper, I totally asked the lecturer to make sure they knew it too. 

I'm sure one day, takin' the high road will have its benefits, though it seems like I won't be able to see any of them anytime soon. 

For the love of God, It BURNS!

That's what Amanda Bynes says when the soccer ball hits her square and she's pretending she's Sebastian in "She's the Man" and I'm feeling supposedly what Sebastian would feel if the ball did actually hit him. 

My whole body just HURTS, and all I want to do is SLEEP! >_<

I can literally feel my endometrial lining being torn apart. Like little tiny blood vessel by vessel. Or maybe it's just my brain talking from the effects of the severe spasmodic pain. I never get this kinda pain, so it absolutely sucks that I'm getting it now considering I have my exams going on. 

Thank God, tomorrow's Saturday, but I wonder if I'll be well enough to study for Amplification ( which I totally happen to not be good at... ) 

I was lucky enough that classes got cancelled so I could sleep in, and normally I would have had more than enough rest to study.. but now.. ALL I want to do is Sleep. 

Plus side of today's day:

Talking to Mama over the webcam was so much fun, and long over due.

Being let off from clinics because of stupid stomach ache which let me sleep more

Veg toast from Cafe Seven Bees

Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream for Baskin Robbins

The fact that I narrowly missed seeing my Ex if I skipped Robbin and went to Naturals for Ice cream. Phew! 

Oh well, it's time I hit the hay.. Yet again, this is like thrice on the same day and barely a four hour gap. 

So Goodnight. :) Bed, HERE I come! 

PS: Comments would be appreciated. 

PSS: Plus points for song dedications! :D 

Health in Hand

A quick drag

A rush, a high

Health in hand

He threw it all away

A quick peg

Maybe just another

Health in hand

She threw it all away

Another late night

For some more money

Health in hand

They threw it all away

He went to med school

Studied surgery after

Tools at hand

He gave it all back

He fixed her lung

He repaired her liver

He prescribed them medicines

To make them better

And before they left

He told them this

Your health is in your hands now

I've done my bit

So go and live again

But keep in mind eternally

Blessed is a second chance

If only others were as lucky.

An Evening's Stroll

Another bad day
Home empty
No father to welcome her
Screaming, she felt guilty

Was this her fault?
Did she do this?
Isolated, alone
No goodnight's kiss

She threw down her bag
Put on her running shoes
Swiftly, she embarked on
An evening's stroll

Another evening
Without his daughter
No little to cook for
No mirth, No laughter

Did he do this?
Was this his fault?
Should he have sent that letter?
Maybe he should have called.

He grabbed his mackintosh
Ran out the door
Frustrated, he left for
An evening's stroll

Did the daughter know?
How much her daddy loved her
Did the father know?
How much she longed to come home

Soon she passed him by
He almost didn't recognise her
He called out, She came back
And together,
They found each other
On that evening's stroll


( wrote this for Pulse 2011, part of three poems I wrote in less than 25 minutes) 

Equilibrium

Equilibrium is a state of balance. Atleast that's what the dictionary in my head says, I could wikipedia it. 

Okay, but I wasn't going to talk about equilibrium. I'm going to talk about my day, started off with me shrieking at 7:30, because 9 am was when the exam would start, and at that point, I didn't even read any of the stuff I had read the night before. Like I just left everything in a super neat pile, and plopped on the bed yesterday. 

Moving on. So exam wasn't all that. People assumed I studied, and hence I left the exam hall super early, ( though I attribute that to the fact that I didn't have any more to write on that dumb paper)

Got to my room and decided to do something about my goals. I basically journeyed into Stephen Covey land, and embarked on the quest of " The Great Discovery", had to go for clinics after that, but I'm on my way to writing a kick ass mission statement. Majorly happy about it. I recommend that most of you'll try it out too. I was doing it through this online version I found off Google ( this site never lets me down)

Here's the link:

http://www.pittsfordschools.org/webpages/rzogby/files/The%20Great%20Discovery21.pdf

 

It may take some time to fill out, so whenever you're free and not totally stressed out and agitated or need a break from it all, Go to a quiet place and discover yourself. My aim right now is to make a kick ass Mission statement, and bold it so I can stick it to my wall and remind myself to never lose sight of my goals. 

After clinics, I hit the gym. Man, it feels so good, to just work out and let the all the negative energy and stress that people put on you burn outta your system. It totally adds plus points to your motivation column too! 

I'll post my Mission statement once I'm done. Pretty excited about making it, ^_^ though I wish I had some company in making it, so we could share it or help each perfect it, and then motivate each other to follow it. 

Was suppose to study but all I really want to do, or rather wish to do is talk to my siblings.. They're both in Kuwait right now, and they were so adorable on the webcam. Missin' them. The RETARDS! 

Missin' the 'rents too! 

Song - Lost without you by Craig. I love this song, reminds me of Kuwait and the gabajillion times it came on the radio. :D

Meanings :)

If you're wondering what are the meanings behind each of the wierd names I have around the blog, I'll explain them to you.

The other side of any given line in time happens to be part of the songlyrics of Elton John's classic - Nikita!

A twinkle is I is also an anagram for Nikita Lewis

Saty tnued for mroe mndsaes de la moi! :D

Got an exam tomorrow..and I may fail but Hey, atleast my room's clean!

So, I'm exhausted since I didn't sleep all that well last night..and I'm suppose to be studying but my room was so cluttered and it's been a while since it's been like that so I thought I'd clean instead. Here's how my workspace looks like when i'm not too busy to clear my stuff. I should add a pic of my optic fibre lamp too. ;-)
Let's see, I have an 80 mark paper on ENT and COP at 9 in the morn, and all I did this evening was sleep for like some 2 hours and studied for some 3 and did everything like buy myself a "Manipal University" sweatshirt for like Rs 1100 (which i think is pretty decent) plus I miss my boston one and treated myself to coffee too while studying at the lib.
It's beeb another rough day today and it inspired to make this quote
"Music may be super important to me but it's not as comforting as a friendly hug, a missed call and a joke passed"
However, I don't think it's really going to have any effect on the people it was meant for. I wonder if they realise that all negativity does no good for them or anyone around them. Hmmmm..
They've got nothing on me. Yeah, they really did upset me but it's times like these you learn how to be the better person when every bone in your body screams to just shout out and tell them what I really think about what they're saying.
I'm sure they know. How much it hurts...and all I can say is Shame on you. :-)
Peace.
I'm listening to Mr. Blunt - No tears from me. O:-)

I'm into rockstars right now. HA!

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection” - Anais Nin

It’s true. We write to taste life twice. There are some moments that I’m so happy or did something that made me happy or elated, so you can’t blame me if you want to write about it.

Writing is beautiful, you write, and it’s saved, and though you may be long gone, what’s written stays. Be it a carving on a tree, a sign on a document, a simple I love you note, an autograph, endless rantings.. they all stay. And just because it stays, don’t write to create a good impression. Write because you want to feel how you felt all over again, that moment and what a lasting impression it was.

So today, with that in mind, I’m going to write about one incident, that may have possibly changed more than one life.

He’s this kinda cute looking guy. But that’s not what I’m attracted to. I like the carefree attitude he has, and the way he just strolls into places. He may not notice me, but who gives a crap, He’s given me enough candy to last a day!

That particular day was Flava ( the food festival that KMC holds to raise money for themselves or something) and I had just walked back into CCD. I had an exam the next day mind you, it was Voice, and I barely did three disorders out of the gabajillion that we have. I wasn’t particularly refreshed that day and all, but oddly not worried about my exam. I put on my headphones and thought okay, time to study!

I looked back to see where he was and he was right behind me. I’ll explain this using the alphabet.

b db d

Basically the b and d are the seat, and he was sitting on the first b while I’m on the second b.

I turned back and continued reading, and I was listening to James Blunt I think, when I thought.. why don’t I go over and say hi? Why am I always a chicken? Like what have I got to lose? He may not like me, or think I’m weird but why am I letting fear come in and not let me do something I want to do. And then all I could think about was two things, one being Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote from Princess Diaries where Dr. Cowboy says “Do one thing everyday that scares you”, and um the very thought of talking to him.. yeah..( I’d eat a cockroach instead ) and two, how Mia talks to Lana in PD4 and totally asks her to let SkinnerBox play as the band for Prom.  

But you know what, next thing I knew I found myself, putting my books and pencil down, pulling out my earphones, and turning around and walking up to where he was sitting and saying “Hi!, May I sit here for a bit? Are you busy?”

Yeah, let me tell you what my brain was saying “what the f**k are you doing?”

And my heart was beating waaaay too fast to even like think or feel, but the rush? The adrenaline? KILLER! I COULD have jumped from a cliff and not felt any pain from the adrenaline I could feel just pumping in.

And this is what I told him: “My name is Nikita, and I’m a super shy person, so I thought I’d do something that scares me, which is talking to strangers, and You’re kinda a stranger so I thought I’d just say Hi, Hope you don’t mind!”

Can you believe it? I did that. And then he just went on to say, that he didn’t mind at all, he was a friendly person, and he had seen me around with a mutual friend we had and I frequently hang out with.

The conversation went on, me talking about how I saw him at a retreat once, and how his leg was sprained and he said he used to see a lot in CCD with Mandeep and we talked about church, and I went on to say he wouldn’t recognize me in church cause I look super formal.

RANDOMN.. It was such a random nice conversation, and later I just went all oh okay I have to study now, but later.

And then I see him the next day, and I just wave and ask if he’s free, and he just motions to like come over and I sit right next to him. And then we talked about music, and random stuff, and we happened to have another mutual friend who actually teased me about it later.

I see him occasionally in CCD now, and he says hi, but we haven’t had a one – on – one chat again. AND mind you, I go to CCD in my jammies (it’s in the lib) and I used to dress up before but now.. I just go in whatever I’m comfortable with. The thing is with me, this time.. No expectations. I don’t expect him to magically just like me, and maybe his friends may not like me or I’m just not his type, it’s all okay. Maybe we’ll turn out to be really good friends.. But ever since that day, I’ve been proud of myself. It takes GUTS. Like just CRAZY insane GUTS to just go out there and say hi, no wonder guys don’t do it. I wouldn’t blame them. But ever since that day, I’m confident in me. Like I can go out with my wet hair and a long shirt that’s tied and faded jeans and virtually no make –up on save for the eyeliner I carry in my compass and a good pinch on the cheeks, and be CONFIDENT!

To quote Pink’s song “I’m still a rockstar, I got my rockmoves” It’s true, so maybe I’m not all rockstarry on the outside, and pretty much look like a geek, but hey “I’m still a rockstar, I got my geekiness and my awkwardness, and I got my rock moves and moments like these that make it all worth it”

That’s one moral.

Two, I aced my voice exam, got the highest in class. Lol.

Three, He may not like me, but I sure as hell raised my confidence bar, from like a - 500 to perhaps a + 499? :P

Four, I’m motivated and I think I should tell Meg Cabot that she has no idea how truly she has impacted people’s lives with her chick lit.

....So have you been a rockstar lately?

Yes, Another Blog!

Why?

Because I wanted a do over. The other blog was great and all, but I only spoke about stuff when I was all gloomy and because I can.

What to expect?

Plenty of frequent posts, and lots of pictures, and maybe even spontaneous poetry, if I feel like it.

So?

Stay tuned, and keep reading, and comments are appreciated!

You know you love me, xoxo

(LOL)