“
We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection” - Anais Nin
It’s true. We write to taste life twice. There are some moments that I’m so happy or did something that made me happy or elated, so you can’t blame me if you want to write about it.
Writing is beautiful, you write, and it’s saved, and though you may be long gone, what’s written stays. Be it a carving on a tree, a sign on a document, a simple I love you note, an autograph, endless rantings.. they all stay. And just because it stays, don’t write to create a good impression. Write because you want to feel how you felt all over again, that moment and what a lasting impression it was.
So today, with that in mind, I’m going to write about one incident, that may have possibly changed more than one life.
He’s this kinda cute looking guy. But that’s not what I’m attracted to. I like the carefree attitude he has, and the way he just strolls into places. He may not notice me, but who gives a crap, He’s given me enough candy to last a day!
That particular day was Flava ( the food festival that KMC holds to raise money for themselves or something) and I had just walked back into CCD. I had an exam the next day mind you, it was Voice, and I barely did three disorders out of the gabajillion that we have. I wasn’t particularly refreshed that day and all, but oddly not worried about my exam. I put on my headphones and thought okay, time to study!
I looked back to see where he was and he was right behind me. I’ll explain this using the alphabet.
b db d
Basically the b and d are the seat, and he was sitting on the first b while I’m on the second b.
I turned back and continued reading, and I was listening to James Blunt I think, when I thought.. why don’t I go over and say hi? Why am I always a chicken? Like what have I got to lose? He may not like me, or think I’m weird but why am I letting fear come in and not let me do something I want to do. And then all I could think about was two things, one being Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote from Princess Diaries where Dr. Cowboy says “Do one thing everyday that scares you”, and um the very thought of talking to him.. yeah..( I’d eat a cockroach instead ) and two, how Mia talks to Lana in PD4 and totally asks her to let SkinnerBox play as the band for Prom.
But you know what, next thing I knew I found myself, putting my books and pencil down, pulling out my earphones, and turning around and walking up to where he was sitting and saying “Hi!, May I sit here for a bit? Are you busy?”
Yeah, let me tell you what my brain was saying “what the f**k are you doing?”
And my heart was beating waaaay too fast to even like think or feel, but the rush? The adrenaline? KILLER! I COULD have jumped from a cliff and not felt any pain from the adrenaline I could feel just pumping in.
And this is what I told him: “My name is Nikita, and I’m a super shy person, so I thought I’d do something that scares me, which is talking to strangers, and You’re kinda a stranger so I thought I’d just say Hi, Hope you don’t mind!”
Can you believe it? I did that. And then he just went on to say, that he didn’t mind at all, he was a friendly person, and he had seen me around with a mutual friend we had and I frequently hang out with.
The conversation went on, me talking about how I saw him at a retreat once, and how his leg was sprained and he said he used to see a lot in CCD with Mandeep and we talked about church, and I went on to say he wouldn’t recognize me in church cause I look super formal.
RANDOMN.. It was such a random nice conversation, and later I just went all oh okay I have to study now, but later.
And then I see him the next day, and I just wave and ask if he’s free, and he just motions to like come over and I sit right next to him. And then we talked about music, and random stuff, and we happened to have another mutual friend who actually teased me about it later.
I see him occasionally in CCD now, and he says hi, but we haven’t had a one – on – one chat again. AND mind you, I go to CCD in my jammies (it’s in the lib) and I used to dress up before but now.. I just go in whatever I’m comfortable with. The thing is with me, this time.. No expectations. I don’t expect him to magically just like me, and maybe his friends may not like me or I’m just not his type, it’s all okay. Maybe we’ll turn out to be really good friends.. But ever since that day, I’ve been proud of myself. It takes GUTS. Like just CRAZY insane GUTS to just go out there and say hi, no wonder guys don’t do it. I wouldn’t blame them. But ever since that day, I’m confident in me. Like I can go out with my wet hair and a long shirt that’s tied and faded jeans and virtually no make –up on save for the eyeliner I carry in my compass and a good pinch on the cheeks, and be CONFIDENT!
To quote Pink’s song “I’m still a rockstar, I got my rockmoves” It’s true, so maybe I’m not all rockstarry on the outside, and pretty much look like a geek, but hey “I’m still a rockstar, I got my geekiness and my awkwardness, and I got my rock moves and moments like these that make it all worth it”
That’s one moral.
Two, I aced my voice exam, got the highest in class. Lol.
Three, He may not like me, but I sure as hell raised my confidence bar, from like a - 500 to perhaps a + 499? :P
Four, I’m motivated and I think I should tell Meg Cabot that she has no idea how truly she has impacted people’s lives with her chick lit.
....So have you been a rockstar lately?
